I've never not known you

This is part of a slightly disjointed series that I'll write about more coherently when I have time, these are just snippets as they come to me.  Previously: Kitty lets Milton humiliate her, Kitty and Johnson share some blood , and Milton meets up with an old girlfriend.  Now for the shadow that's been hanging around in the background.

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I could feel him coming near, I could always tell where he was, the connection between us was too deep to ignore.  I lay in bed, listening to music, just marking time until he let himself in, wondering idly why I could never seem to change the locks.  He was hiding his thoughts for some reason, I sighed, he'd probably invented some new torture for me.

Soon Joshua was at the door to my room, "Hey, Sis,"
"Hey, Bro."
Despite my better judgement I was glad to see him, a part of me always felt something was missing unless we were together.  The way twins are meant to be.  He kicked off his shoes and lay next to me, it seemed pointless to argue, he'd treated every bed I'd ever had as if it was his own.
I looked in his eyes and we remembered the times we'd first explored each other's bodies and minds in the dorm room, the strange, aching mix or wrongness and desperate rightness.  It had never really changed, and we could have been back there as our hands sought each other without us needing to think about it.

"So what game are we playing today?" I asked him lightly.  No matter how much he hurt me, no matter how much I cried over him when we were apart, when we were together we were in a bubble that nothing could burst.
"No games, I just wanted to see you."
I snorted. "Sure."
Something soft came into his gaze, and I was taken aback.  I'd seen that look before, but not for years, not since our little disagreement.  I felt my mind opening up to him instinctively, desperate to trust someone, even if it was only for a moment, but then I caught myself.  It had to be a trick didn't it?
"It's alright, Kit, don't be scared, it's me." I felt his barriers come down, he was leaving himself vulnerable, what the fuck was going on?

For a long, haunted moment we hung there, two sets of eyes glowing green in the dusk, shivering with a desire that had been there all our lives.  Then we were kissing, hungrily and sweetly, sensations blurring between us as we slipped from head to head.  I could feel that this was coming from deep inside him, I wasn't quite sure what it meant, but I couldn't deny him. I'd deal with the consequences later.

Our bodies took over, I felt the familiar sensation of his cock sliding into me without resistance, it was like it was meant to be there, as if we'd been born fucking.  Our sensations mirrored, I stopped caring if they were real or echoes of his, and when we came, just for a moment, I felt whole.

The Deal

He looked over the quote, frowning slightly. "Hmm, I was hoping you could do me something a bit better than this."

"It's already cheap rates, what are you after?"

"Oh I don't know, something more... giving..." I breathed in sharply, and he looked at me with an evil glint in his eyes. He pointed to the sheet, and my eyes followed his finger as it spiralled round the figures. "I mean this bit here, surely you can go down a little bit for me..."

I was being played hard, but it was so... tempting...

He reached around and squeezed my shoulder lightly. "I mean, you could even do it for free since it's a project you really believe in..."

I felt spacey and suggestible. He was deliberately trying to make me loose my business head. I should have pulled myself together, told him that was the price, and he just had to accept it, and yet... and yet... it really was a project I believed in...

Not

I'm not young
I'm not pretty
I'm not sensitive

I'm not polite

I'm not thin
I'm not shy
I'm not smooth
I'm not gentle
I'm not kind
I'm not pleasing
I'm not sweet-voiced
I'm not groomed
I'm not yielding
I'm not attentive

I'm not fragrant

I'm not nurturing

I'm not child-like
I'm not hesitant
I'm not seductive
I'm not small
I'm not patient
I'm not exotic
I'm not considerate
I'm not tight
I'm not weak
I'm not in awe
I'm not feminine

Knives and Basements

These are the things that have been filling my thoughts, distracting me from work, making my dreams sticky.

Things to do with dark, damp basements. Being tied up with rope for hours, left alone, not knowing when he'll come back.

Things to do with rags tied round my eyes, hearing him come down the stairs, not knowing where he is until I feel the knife at my throat.

Things to do with blood spattering onto plastic, hooks hanging from the ceiling, trays of surgical instruments.  This is about torture, not killing, but the look in his eyes says he'll go all the way if he has to.

Things to do with Stockholm Syndrome.

Things to do with losing control completely.

Things to do with wanting to tell him anything, wanting to do anything he wants, wanting to obey completely. Not so I get freed, not to save my life, just because he's in charge and I can't remember anything else.