Compulsion to Destroy

This is another draft snippet of the unpublished series of stories I mentioned before.

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We were in a booth with the curtains closed, my head in Johnson's lap. I was exhausted from not sleeping properly for too long and just wanted to drift away. Of course, he kept asking difficult questions, taking advantage of my vulnerable state:

"So how's it going with Milton? How does Josh feel about it? Do you care if you hurt either of them? Do you like Milton more than Josh? More than me?..."

Eventually I couldn't stand it. "Bloody Hell, Johnson, shut up! Why do you care?" He went quiet, trying to hide his feelings, but I got a glimpse of jealousy. I chuckled cruelly "I saw that. Remember you don't own me, you never will."

"I do when you get caught up in the moment, when I make you need me so much you forget everything else."

"Big claims, big guy," I was talking bratty, but we both felt the power shift. I opened my eyes and realised he'd got Hungry while we'd been sitting there. It wasn't irresistible yet, but my tiredness made the throbbing compulsion to submit a little harder to resist than normal.

He could tell and narrowed his eyes triumphantly. "Just go with it, Kitty, you're so close already."

A slow wave of need flowed through me and I watched it consume me as if I was outside my own body. I groaned at my weakness, I'd been stupid to put myself at the mercy of someone I'd been taunting. He'd make me suffer horribly and it just made me all the more horny for him.

"Be a good girl and sleep now."

---

Waking from vampire induced sleep is always a bit groggy, like I've been drugged. Sensations came to me, a chill across my breasts, rope round my wrists, a sharp point at my neck. I dragged my heavy eyelids open. I was naked, bound, with a knife at my throat and a man grinning at me like I'm meat. Saturday night as usual, then.

I licked my dry lips. "OK, Johnson, you win, you're the best, your dick is twice the size of either of theirs."

Somehow he stopped himself from slitting my windpipe, but his eyes flashed angrily. "Just tell me, if you're so into Milton, why are you here with me now?"

I paused, thought hard, wanting to give him a straight answer. My mouth opened and I heard myself say "I just have a compulsion to destroy things."

He laughed dryly. "Funny you should say that." Teeth were on my neck, he was biting hard and I felt myself getting faint. I knew his Hunger wasn't actually for blood, but I still couldn't shake off the primal fears he stirred in me. I was in both worlds at once, feeling blood pumping out of me and yet knowing it was just my submission he was feeding off.

A feeling like death overtook me. I half wanted him to gut me so my body could match this spilling sensation. "What's going on?" I gasped.

His mouth came up to my ear, and he hissed "I'm draining you"

"Why?"

"Because I can."

His eyes were cold and I hated myself for underestimating him, treating him like a joke, the one I could fool around with and not have to face any consequences. He was reminding me he could destroy me if he chose to.

I summoned up all my strength and made my eyes as soft and helpless as I could. "P-please, Johnson, you're hurting me."

He knew he was being played, but it made him so hard he didn't care. He crushed me to the floor, and as the fuck frenzy took us over, I could breathe again.

Incentive

I picked up the phone and shivered a little when I heard Anton's voice.

"Hi F., where's that article you said you'd do for me?"

I groaned, "yeah, sorry, it got put on the back burner..."

"Hmmm, well I need it. Can you finish it off for me?"

"Sure, sure, I've just got other things I need to do first."

There was a cold pause.  "No, F., I said I need it.  That means I need it today."

I swallowed hard.  "I've got other word to do, other paid work to do."

"That's not my concern.  Now get to it like a good little drone."

I swore, but he'd already hung up. I really needed to be doing a million other things, but something about his voice had got inside me. His last word buzzed round my head, making it difficult to think.  dronedronedronedrone.  It vibrated down my spine, and soon it was in my knickers, like cool, insistent fingers.

I sighed, there was no way I was getting anything else done until I'd settled this.  I typed away, trying to make it as well written as I could and getting a tingle of reward every time I hit upon a good phrase.  It got more difficult to continue as I got more horny, but somehow I got through it, and panting, emailed it off.

My hand ground idly against my crotch as I sat staring at my inbox.  What was taking him so long? He was usually so quick to reply.  Then finally the blue dot appeared, and I clicked his email desperately.

"Yep, that's fine, good drone."

I grunted and came hard, both dreading and longing for the next time he wanted me to do anything.

erotica4£££?

I'm so stuck for money that I'm considering writing erotica and trying to get it published in magazines, anthologies etc.  I've thought about it for ages, but always avoided it as I didn't want to be writing things to satisfy other people's fantasies, and mine are a bit specialist.  Still, I think it's worth a try, I'm prepared for rejection, but would prefer to succeed of course!  I wonder how to find out what they're looking for?  I guess it depends on the place I'm applying to - but I'm guessing there has to be some actual sex...

Any suggestions?

Let me take your mind

Will was watching To Play the King on TV the other day while I was working on the laptop. I wasn't paying much attention, I remembered it being inferior to House of Cards, despite another neat sub/dom relationship going on.

Then I heard Urquhart say something like "would you let me let me take your mind?" to his advisor-slave. I must have made my shiverbreath noise, cos Will looked over at me and smirked. What a fucking lovely phrase. Even just the surface meaning of using another's intellect for your own ends it pretty hot, but the suggestion that he's taking possession of it, moving you out of the way so he can puppet your brain, well, you can imagine.

Prizes

Runa made the world spin, writing words for us in the air and breaking things slowly. It was engaging but distant, like watching someone you used to love try to impress you again.

Cathy created junky tableaus, still figures hold their breath as you walk around them, trying not to look them in the eyes as you focus instead on the trash they sit in.

Goshka makes spirals to trap you in memories, cool, clean glass reflecting your emptiness back, while only hinting at the passionate relations caught between the panes.

And Mark, sweet hairy Mark, with his sad little apartment and dirty, dirty imagination. Oh my god, all those writhing bodies and strange gloopy, shiny surfaces. So coy and theoretical with your tributes to your masters, but I saw it, I saw that face, that lopsided smile the rabbit gave as it leapt off with the prize.

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Confused? For this post I swapped styles with another blog, because it's Rabbit Hole Day

Humiliation or Disinterest?

In response to my last post, Overpowered asked "Are there limits to how degrading is too degrading?"

I'd been talking about someone who was essentially using me for sex when he couldn't get anyone 'better', and I suppose this is one end of the scale, where there's no intention to enter into a negotiated D/s relationship, they just treat people like shit without qualms.  Sick as I am, there is still a slight appeal to this kind of person - the natural bastard - but I've decided that it's not worth having to do all the work creating a narrative behind their actions in order to enjoy it.

What if it is intentional though? Humiliation and degradation aren't major kinks of mine, but they are a useful addition to the toolbox for a scene: as part of interrogation, prisoner or other roleplay it can be very hot.  Still, the key here for me is that it's a fiction - on the one hand it's not really me that's being humiliated, and on the other my character is vital to the scene - it doesn't exist without me being there to be ripped to shreds.  (Oh, you knew subs are attention seekers, right?)

So for me, those are the easy situations to judge, but back to the more difficult question of what makes having to crawl and beg for attention so appealing sometimes; and could there be a context where being rejected for another is a turn on? (For me I mean, I know for some this is their main kink).

I do love a cool, unruffled surface in a partner: not being able to tell if they really are analysing me dispassionately or seething with passion underneath.  It's all the more pronounced if I'm out of control on the inside, needy and desperate, so they can toy with me and I just get wound up more.  I suppose there has to be the possibility that they'll turn me down, or it'd all just be more make-believe, but there's still that intentional denial, like orgasm control.

Surely it's not that far to go to before teasing and denial becomes rejection, but I guess I've just had too many bad experiences of it becoming real to explore it, even as a fantasy.  Perhaps in a story it could work, where the very improbability of someone being able to seduce someone else as a way of turning you on would be part of their other-worldly appeal.  I'll give it a go.

Doors

Why do so many of my fantasies start with me standing on someone's doorstep, waiting for the object of my obsession to grant me access?  Maybe it's because I live with my partner, so it's something I don't get to do any more.  Still, it wasn't really something that happened when I did have to trek out for a shag.  I can't remember ever starting a scene from the doorstep: kisses sure, even groping and fumbling, but never that feeling of the door opening into another world, rather than just a familiar hallway.

What doorstep memories do I have?  Owen always wanted me to turn up at his house wearing nothing but a fur coat.  I'm fairly sure I never did it, although my memory's a bit hazy.  It didn't really appeal to me: as with many things in our relationship it felt too much like something learnt from porn.  Richard was pretty much "Hi, you brought wine, cool, wanna watch some Doctor Who?" (bless him).  Ryan was the closest to insta-sex, but I could never tell if it was going to be a "Get upstairs and suck me off," or "Piss off, I've got someone else tonight," kind of visit.

There's also an appeal to opening your own door to see a desired one at last, but which is sweeter?  Surely as the sub I should want to be pursued, trapped by the irresistible invader with nowhere to run? Of course that's a fantasy I love to play with, but for some reason I'm more drawn to the idea of crawling to him, having to prove my worth, begging to be treated like dirt.  I guess I don't really need door for that.

Escape Artist

Dunno why I'm doing these quizzes. Must have work to do or something

seductiveshorts.com

Exploitative Marketing Tiebreaker

I took an online test about Fromm's personality types and got this result:

You Scored as Exploitative You are probably the "Exploitative" character. The exploitative character manipulates others to get his way. These people love to lead, and sometimes disdain those that they feel are below them. Exploitative people are confident in their image and tend to support authority - as long as it works for them. Go here to learn more about this and other orientations. Marketing 60% Exploitative 60% Hoarding 49% Productive 37% Receptive 37% Necrophilous 37% It all came down to this tiebreaker:

Weeellll, my friends all have much better dress sense than me...